The more I read about different religions and the philosophies and rationales behind them the more it seems everywhere the same questions and problems exist-- why are we here, tensions between scriptural authority and spiritual experience, reconciling reality with a higher reality and so on.
I am actually quite tired of it and the whole concept of religion right now because everyone just wants to be right and is convinced they are right, and experiences they are right-- and it makes sense until there is a realization that everyone else also feels that way, and maybe there is no real difference.
Whilst I can understand how there is a pressing need for some to find out why and how we are existing (and where we go next) before we can live easy and meaningfully, I don't feel it myself presently, maybe I never really have? Life in general just seems ridiculous and meaningless, no matter how you try to explain it to me.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
I've been gone for awhile and the picture above succinctly summarized my disappearance. Birthdays after birthdays...
It truly is scary how we are all turning twenty-one, one by one. So maybe it isn't the worst thing in the world, maybe it isn't the beginning of the degeneration of mind body and soul, maybe it is going to be the most exciting time of our lives. Who knows?
But no matter, some things are just not meant to be dissected. I am just going to eat my cake, sit here and wait for tomorrow.
Posted by G Cheng at 10:38 PM
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Public holidays lose their thrill and magic with each year. It could have been any other day, except I woke up to a cold morning way too early. Today was also one of those days that I just wanted to be, anywhere but here. But then again, I don't even know what here refers to.
Being single means I only have one life to live and think for. I want to live for me, but that me is again inextricably tied to the very thing I want to be independent from. Everything is right except me.
I have no good reply to anything.
Posted by G Cheng at 4:46 PM
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Been kinda busy lately with work, school and trying to have a life. Sleep evades me constantly. I have no new cool pictures for a decent blog post so here are the way overdue Bangkok pictures! It was nothing short of amazing.
Ju's advanced birthday dinner at Paramount later. I have no clothes but peking duck here I come.
Posted by G Cheng at 4:15 PM
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Weekends always have a funny way of getting under my skin. I don't know if it's the time of the week where (by default) I'd have alcohol expectations, or the haphazard dinners, or the hopeless napping.
It always comes down to this. Every Sunday it all comes crashing down and I realize that magic is not real and neither is this, this is not feasible, most of all I have been deluding myself thinking that I am truly happy.
I tried thinking about happy moments but I find myself struggling with my reasons for recording and representing these parts of my life. If no representation is ever truthful, my words and expressions are finite, and even if I pen it down these thoughts fight to leave my mind unless I re-read them, then why do I bother? My memory is a broken sieve, some times it frustrates me to no end.
I wish I knew what I was looking for.
Posted by G Cheng at 6:51 PM
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Tonight feels lonely despite everything that's happened today, the company and the laughs. Right now I am sitting here 4:44 AM and the night seems like it can stretch endlessly all the way to infinity, and no phone calls or tv or writing that I can imagine will bring any comfort. Music's my only salvation tonight.
I've always wondered about why people feel lonely, what loneliness really is and do we really spend our lives just occupying ourselves to get away from ourselves? And why some days it feels so good being physically alone but some moments like these singularity becomes very, hollow? I can't find a word for it.
Posted by G Cheng at 4:44 AM
Friday, September 23, 2011
It would be nice to live in the early ages before science and religion, facts, air travel... Spending unlimited time wondering if the firmament is a solid cover, and what lies between the earth and the sky.
These days it feels like all brilliant things have been said and discovered and repeated a thousand times, and there isn't even time to think of anything new because I'm tangled up in a schizophrenic frenzy just trying to catch up with all that has been, and I'll never even finish that.
And even when I'm not trying my thoughts are of mundane superficial things like finding a birthday dress which is really annoying because I am wanting to think and do other things, but I have to deal with one thought at a time and some of these just, linger for really long and take up more than their fair share of time.
Posted by G Cheng at 4:30 PM
Saturday, September 17, 2011
A picture grabbed from Facebook to signify that the Bangkok pictorial post is under way... And that I love my bffs. So fucking much.
School's this big black hole of dizzy corridors where people walk slowly, and bookshelf mazes that leave me feeling so tired. The weeks are going to by very quickly and deadlines will soon catch up with me.
But as for now, I'd say that days are wonderful and weekends are golden. Excited for Gab's birthday party tonight!
Posted by G Cheng at 5:23 PM
Sunday, September 11, 2011
This week completely flew by. It feels like just a few hours ago that I refused to wake up on a Monday morning. Days and nights merge into nothing but yet another hour, and then it starts all over again.
School has officially started... I foresee myself being late for lectures in my new chucks.
On another note, Nick left for army last Friday. See you in two weeks bro!
Posted by G Cheng at 4:07 PM
Thursday, September 8, 2011
I want to write about something significant that I wish to remember but these days I am never sure if I actually want to remember so here it is in brief:
Been pretty insistent on many things lately, and one of these insistence resulted in portraits of myself. I consider this to be a milestone in my life because the awful weather has always been a huge deterrent.
Posted by G Cheng at 11:58 AM
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Hi guys! I just got back from the land of smiles yesterday and it was an awesome trip. A decent pictorial post soon! That is, if I'm not too lazy...
Meanwhile it is late again and I've just killed a mosquito with my bare hands, but not after it buzzed in my ear (most annoying sound ever) and bit me on my ear, ankle, and ass.
Posted by G Cheng at 3:24 AM
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Every Sunday night I look for words to describe my weekend. Sometimes I fear they are becoming too overrated, labelled. I cannot look at the word 'weekend' normally anymore, like some sort of disease, affecting my weekends of the future with expectations, memories, big vague important words like that.
I'm just glad that the agonizing pre-exam/exam days are finally over. Had a mini celebration with the motherfucking amazing Patron that killed me, causing me to crawl home the next day at noon. In an attempt to recover the sleep debts that I've accumulated throughout the week, I frittered my entire Sunday away in bed... And I still can't get enough of it.
Posted by G Cheng at 9:14 PM
Friday, July 29, 2011
I'm facing this perpetual shortage of words. I still scribble down random phrases I want to think and write about on the trains and at coffee joints but I never seem to be able to find the scraps of paper when I have time to sit down like this, like now.
There are so many things... It would be nice and perfect if someone else could do the talking for me; a paragraph from a book that pops out or song lyrics that actually sing out, some other thing some other place except this.
But epiphany came. It did. I can finally say that I am happy at where I am right now.
Posted by G Cheng at 1:14 AM