My dislike for being languid and unoccupied resides in the fact that it just gives me more time to descent into the tresses of my own mind. I am completely aware of the danger in that. Danger in the possibility of memories being raked up, implications of concocting accusations and situations and the assemblage of what-ifs that surmounts to nothing but intense paranoia and all sorts of insecurities.
It's ugly.
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